Cry My Love Goodbye
by breathe4her
Summary: Are You Gonna Think About It Much Before You Cry My Love Goodbye. *Rated M for slight violence and death*


**SoN owns the Characters**

**Bandcamp owns the lyrics**

**I own the storyline**

**--Lyrics are in bold-italics—**

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**CRY MY LOVE, GOODBYE**

_**I walk into the room and her lips are on him  
As I quietly assume I drink a bottle to the bottom  
With her lipstick kiss, she's a mistress miss  
She's a never gonna hear about, never gonna talk about**_

And they say I'm perfect.

And they say that I don't have a mean bone in my body.

I snort – a wicked masochistic smile breaching my stone-like face.

The rain is pouring down hard and I watch her disappear into an unknown vehicle.

She doesn't know I watch her sometimes.

She doesn't know I know.

She doesn't seem to care how I feel while I'm left out in the rain when she's disappearing to be with him.

She doesn't fucking care.

_**I drive off fast to her place around the corner  
Put my foot to the gas and my mouth to the water**_

I clutch the hard object in my right pocket, shivering from the cold blood that flows its way through me. I blink and the droplets of rain seem to warm me.

Funny how we are built to self-destruct at the drop of a pin.

The lights turn off in her living room. The truck is still there. The glare of the street light could not be any lighter to brighten up the darkened pathway I walk towards.

There will be no remorse.

There will be no more crying.

There will be no more lying.

I'm here to end it.

I am here to move on.

_**With a pistol, pissed, she's a sunset priss  
She's a never gonna hear about, never gonna talk about  
Lust or trust**_

I know how to get in.

I know how easy it is to open up her front door. Remembering all the times I snuck in just so I could hear her voice. Just so I could sleep better because she was in my arms.

The squeaking of my shoes doesn't seem to alarm anyone. It doesn't seem to interrupt any activity that may be going on behind that expensive oak bedroom door; where lights cascaded beneath it, reflecting off the polished floor.

_**How's it gonna be?  
How's it gonna feel?  
When you gonna see enough's enough became too real?  
Where you gonna run?  
Where you gonna lie?  
Are you gonna think about it much before you  
Cry my love goodbye**_

I feel my insides constrict after I stand beside her door for some time. Time that seems to feel like forever.

I grip the pistol tightly, my knuckles turning white. I don't dare close my eyes in case I find myself waking up and find all of this a dream.

I don't want to be dreaming.

I want this nightmare to last.

I want her to feel this.

I want her to feel just how much _I should_ hate her.

How come I have to hurt while he gets to have his way with her?

My girl.

My beautiful brunette.

The door opens and I slide around the small corner, watching as his lips reclaim hers in a slow kiss. Her hand cupping his cleanly shaven face, her thumb brushing his cheek as they pull apart – the ring that I gave her, sparkling brightly – mocking my fragile and beating heart.

Fuck him.

Fuck her.

He saunters down the hallway and disappears out the front door; the front door that was only supposed to be mine to walk into at this hour.

_**She never thought it was a setup  
I suspected her suspicion from her getup  
Now her so called itch is my big twist  
Never gonna hear about, never gonna talk about**_

I make a noise and she calls out his name. She thinks I am him, coming back for more.

Her voice sounds so excited. She exits her room and I slide in, creeping into the closet.

Anger flows through me. Anger should not be an emotion I feel when it comes to her.

Her slender legs make their way back into her room and she stops briefly at a picture of me on her nightstand. Her finger traces my happy profile and then her brown eyes glance down to the ring on her hand.

She sighs and turns to crawl into her messy bed, her black underwear being tugged on and her eyes close tightly. She releases a soft sigh as the climatic event of her day comes to an end.

My lips are dry and my throat wants to close. Blood rushes through my ears making it difficult to hear exactly what is going inside my head. I want her.

I want her to cry.

I want her to feel.

I want her to fucking feel me.

_**Girl walks in, she gets into the bed  
Puts a pillow to her head, I've got another plan instead  
Door slams shut, she screams, scene cut  
Never gonna hear about, never gonna talk about  
Lust or trust**_**  
**  
I move from my hiding spot and she jumps, a hand splayed across her chest.

"Spencer!" She breathes. "You scared me, where'd you come from?"

I don't speak. I can barely look at her. But she's so achingly beautiful and it is hard not to smile and want her.

But I don't.

I breathe slowly, pacing every breath with hers as she stares at me wide eyed. "Spencer…"

I want to tell her that I know.

I know about her dirty filthy secrets.

I know about his hands being all over her, tainting her body.

She used to be perfect.

"Spence…" her laugh is nervous and I can tell she's a little scared. I can tell she _needs_ me to talk to her. "Baby, you're scaring me."

I am scaring her. Her voice is dripping of such a thing. She can't stop looking at me and I hate it. I swallow and move to straddle her partially nude body. My mouth is inches from hers and I can feel her heart pounding hard against the palm of my hand as I clutch at her skin painfully.

_**How's it gonna be?  
How's it gonna feel?  
When you gonna see enough's enough became too real?  
Where you gonna run?  
Where you gonna lie?  
Are you gonna think about it much before you  
Cry my love goodbye**_

She's crying. She's crying because I am hurting her. She told me she loved me. For seven years she had told me I was her one.

Her only.

_"There will never be another."_ She damaged everything for me.

She ruined me.

She ruined us.

I loved her with everything I was.

I love her with everything I am.

_"I couldn't live without you."_ Promises left her beautifully shaped lips.

The way her touches would make me feel, the way her words would stitch themselves permanently in my heart, forever etched in my soul.

_**I'm having fun and he's got her  
I'm having fun and he's got her  
I've got the gun and he's got her**_

"Please Spencer." Her panic voice sent shivers through me. I tighten the knot on the torn bed sheets that were wrapped around her. She doesn't struggle much.

She trusts me.

I shake my head, my voice still silent.

Trusting her was a mistake.

Trusting me was wise.

Her tears spill, drenching the pillow and her perfect bronze skin. I want to tell her just how angry I am, I want to scream at her and yell that my heart is in shattered pieces and she didn't seem to fucking care.

"It didn't mean anything, Spencer, I love you." Her voice sounds sincere enough.

Not enough to make me forget.

Not enough to make me forget that while she was fucking _him_, I was day dreaming about our wedding the next day.

She needs to really pay.

You don't jerk around on emotions like that.

You don't tell someone you're in love with them and then take it back by allowing someone to brand your lips.

Brand your body.

I don't shed a tear as her body starts to heave so hard with the cries that are wrenching through her body.

I leave her.

I leave to think about my actions.

My consequences.

_"I could never live without you."_

_**I walk into the room and she's keeping still  
With the time on the money and her face on the grill  
Bloodshot eyes and her hands all tied  
Was it worth the thrill? Did I kill the ride? **_

Her eyes stare at mine – begging me 'why?'

Why am doing _this_ to her?

Why am I acting _different_?

Why can't I tell her everything I am feeling?

Why?

Why can't I ask her _why_ she's making me choose to do _this_?

Finally tears fall from my eyes because she's so gorgeous in her pain.

She's so gorgeous in her own frightened stance, her eyes boring into my own.

"Please…" She pleads again and her cries drown out the sound of the chamber of my newly purchased pistol.

_I loved you and this is how you repay me?_

I lean close to her, my shaky hands wiping away her freshly shed tears. My thumb pressing against her perfect lips, wanting to kiss them.

She really was perfect.

She was perfectly imperfect.

I want to tell her 'I'm sorry'.

I want to tell her 'I love you'.

I think she knows she was going to be mine – forever.

Whether she likes it or not.

I kneel in front of her, her eyes still staring into mine.

She shakes as I clutch the gun and press it against her temple, my lips barely grazing her ear. They finally move to her neck and I revel in the sensation of her heartbeat beating fast and hard because of me.

_**I walk up to the bedpost, kneel down low  
I put a kiss to her neck and her face to a blow  
Lock and load now count down slow  
Never gonna hear about, Never gonna talk about  
Lust**_

_**Three…**_

_**Two…**_

_**One…**_

I gasp as my finger pulls the trigger effortlessly. I gasp as her voice hitches and my name is the last thing that leaves her lips.

I stumble backwards and cry as her lifeless body hangs over the bed, the colour of crimson red slowly painting the perfect stained crisp white sheets.

I miss her.

I cannot believe that her eyes will never open again.

I cannot believe that her voice will never be heard again.

_**How's it gonna be?  
How's it gonna feel?  
When you gonna see enough's enough became too real?  
Where you gonna run?  
Where you gonna lie?  
Are you gonna think about it much before you  
Cry my love goodbye**_

I sink down beside her and weave my fingers through her hair. I press my lips against her warm skin that I know will be cold soon.

_**I'm having fun and he's got her  
I'm having fun and he's got her  
I'm having fun and he's got her  
I've got the gun and he's got her**_

_"I couldn't live without you."_

She won't have too.

I stand up and wipe the tears from my eyes, promising her silently that I will see her again.

I promise that she will not walk through the next life alone.

I love her.

I will always love her.

It will be just us.

Without him.

I twirl the gun around and close my eyes, glancing back at her body once again.

I kneel down and close my eyes tightly.

I sigh.

I pull the chamber back.

I swallow heavily and lean against the bed.

The coldness of the metal pressing hard against my own temple.

_Three…_

_Two…_

_One…_

"Ashley."

Cry my love...

Goodbye.


End file.
